Sometimes you feel like a lean how… Sometimes you don't

Sorry, I have hardly touched this Xanga blog. Does anyone even look at this blog? It feels so lonely here. I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall coming here.

What's up with me? I'm still in pain with severe osteoarthritis of the left hip and knee. Need a walker wherever I go. Yes...I am disabled.My world is so limited. It takes a lot for me to go anywhere. I have to plan how I will transport myself to and back. How much walking will be involved as well as the logistics.

It's easy to forget I've got this condition. When I talk I think that I am normal and can walk and stand for long periods like before, but when I come to my senses, I remember that I can't walk.

I got a commission by the Chinese Culture Center to do their second annual Hungry Ghost Festival. I caught this festival twice while I was Hong Kong and Penang, Malaysia forty seven years ago. It is a highly spiritually charged festival.

In every neighborhood there would be an altar with a giant paper effigy of Da Shi Yeh（大士爺）， the King of Hell. Before the face of Da Shi Yeh would be covered with red paper. On the first day of the ghost month there would be a ceremony to take off the red paper to welcome the King of Hell. During the month neighborhoods all have altars, paper ghost effigies, food offerings and stages with live entertainment such as Chinese Opera, modern Chinese singing etc. for the wandering and hungry ghosts. The front row is left empty for wandering ghosts.

On the fifteenth day paper joss money, incense as well as the giant paper ghost king effigy is burnt to send him and all the ghosts back to hell/heaven till next year.

It's a new year!

I must say 2023 was a tough year for me. My osteoarthritis on my left hip has gotten worse. It's down to bone on bone pain. The cartilage is probably mostly gone. Any weight or shifting onto my left hip sends a sharp shooting pain. I went from using trekking poles to canes now I require a walker to get anywhere. The walker helps keep my balance better. I hardly go anywhere anymore.

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So... all I have left in my life is my art. Al Cheng used my dragon's for his whiskey club. No problem! Looks good!

I feel like Saggy Baggy the elephant. One year older and feeling different.

What can I say... it has been painful with this osteoarthritis on my left hip. My world has gotten smaller since I have been limited in my mobility.
I wished the condition would miraculously disappear and I am no longer experiencing such pain and able to walk and do the things I used to do.

I find myself praying to god as I'm trying to go to sleep. And I am not religious neither! I am desperate!

During the day I've been taking 600 mg of ibuprofen. And to sleep I've been taking 650 mg of Tylenol for arthritis. The doctor gave me hydrocodone for pain but I have been reluctant to take it since it is an opioid drug. I can easily become addicted to it since I would have to take it every day. It is a very controlled drug. They only give me five days worth at a time. Kaiser wouldn't send me hydrocodone neither. I have to personally go into the pick it up at the pharmacy.

I need a walker wherever I go now. Hope to purchase an electric mobility scooter soon.

It's been hard doing simple household chores.

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Thinking of my father who lived to 72 years old.

I'm afraid my condition would get worse and I am unable to walk at all. The pain becomes unbearable. I can't do anything for myself. Not even wiping my o reds I will require to be in an assisted living facility. Those places can cost over $7k a month. Where can I get that kind of money? Mine as well talk that exit pill.

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I've been taking ozempic like about three months. I currently weigh about 192. That's coming from weighing about 230 lbs. ozempic takes away my appetite and I easily feel full. So I can't put down food like I used to.
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I am no longer screen printing. I sold my exposure unit and conveyorized dryer for cheap. $800.

I've given away all my plastisol inks to Cameron. Probably over a thousand bucks worth.

I still have my Hopkins 4C printer and my Starter Line 4C Hopkins printer. I have to get rid of it. Anyone want it? Cheap!

I have a a bunch of Newman retensionable screens too.
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I am posting from my new iPad 9th generation. I got this iPad because it Roy Sexton convinced me to get one in order to draw. It cost me over $400 from Costco.com with the Apple Pencil.

I find that there is a bit of a learning curve here. I am trying to learn how to use Procreate to draw. I also have another program that I use called Tayasui sketches, which I am a bit familiar with on my iPhone.

We shall see how this will progress as time goes on, and as I learn more about the drawing programs using the iPad.

This was a small exhibit at the Chinese Culture Center four years ago. Just thought I'd paste the introduction about me.

On Growing Up in a Chinatown Store
Curator: Alice Wu
Date: 4/27 – 10/27/19
Location: CCC Design Store, 750 Kearny St. 3rd Floor. CA 94108

On Growing Up in a Chinatown Store is styled as a hybrid of gallery and retail, featuring the art of Leland Wong, selections of vintage inventory from his father’s Chinatown curio shop, and installations by Amy Li Projects, Lions Den, Choose Chinatown, Ooga Booga, and Pearl River Mart. Leland’s artwork and the legacy of Fueng Wah Company reflect a personal history of San Francisco Chinatown, shown in fellowship with innovative art and design-focused enterprises in New York and Los Angeles Chinatowns. This CCC Design Store exhibit invites visitors to discover the backstories of these spaces, and shop from a hand-picked selection of art and design goods.

Leland Wong (b. 1952) is best known for his hand-screenprinted posters, illustrations, and photographs focusing on Asian American life. He was born and raised in San Francisco’s Chinatown, where his father operated Fueng Wah Company (1942-1970), a Grant Avenue curio shop for tourists. The Wong family lived in a loft in the store. Alongside the souvenir trinkets, novelty items, and eclectic Asian imports, the elder Wong sold his own calligraphy, prints, and paintings at the shop. Leland helped his parents run Fueng Wah until the shop’s 1970 closure. Leland cites his father’s encouragement and the experience of growing up in the store as important in his decision to become an artist.

While the Fueng Wah novelty items surrounding him in his youth had a great influence on Leland’s waggish aesthetic, his experiences as a young man track through the years of the Civil Rights Movement, urban riots, Vietnam War, and college campus protests. Increasingly conscious of the social problems in Chinatown and among Asian Americans, Leland became deeply involved with community organizations such as Chinatown North Beach Youth Council, Kearny Street Workshop, and Japantown Arts and Media. Leland created artwork to promote their events and to express social justice concerns. He has now been active as an artist for over five decades.

Bonsai Tears, that was the title Steve Nakajo gave the poster. He interpreted the design to be the eye giving out tears to nourish the bonsai tree. The bonsai tree symbolizing Japanese culture and tradition.

The year was 1974. I was twenty one years old. In my fourth year at San Francisco State University as an art major. I was ready to graduate but had two general studies requirements I had to take. I was in no rush because I decided I also wanted to learn Chinese and wanted to take the second semester course.

I was doing psychedelic light shows with the Kanzaki brothers. Our group was called Red Lantern light show. It consisted of three of us mainly. Ron and Kenny Kanzaki and I. I was the main and only artist of the group. I wound up developing the bulk of the material we used in the light show. I consisted of slide projectors and overhead projectors along with spinning wheels with color gels. We did light shows at various dances and concerts so we did a bit of traveling whenever we were hired to do lightshows. Later we were hired by Glide Church to do the lightshows during their celebrations.

Community street fairs were happening in many communities in San Francisco. Chinatown was doing the Hop Jok fair. The Kanzaki brothers along with Nakajo and others in J-Town wanted to do a street fair in Japantown too. I was the convenient artist around to design and print the first Nihonmachi Street Fair poster. I don't think I got paid much to do the poster. I drew the poster in my basement studio. I remember using the eyedropper from the India ink bottle to draw the bonsai tree. At the time I was growing bonsai trees at the time. One of the ways I enjoyed viewing the bonsai tree was putting my eye right up to the bottom of the tree and imagine me sitting right under the tree. We printed the poster at Kearny Street Workshop, an Asian community arts organization I was involved with at the time. It a simple two color poster.

There were not any community booths. Only one booth sold beer and that was Red Lantern's booth. It was mostly a music festival at the peace paged plaza. The main draw was Azteca, a popular recording latin band at the time. A lot of latinos from the Mission district attended the fair. It was a jam packed crowd and the street fair was a success.

Who knew that it would lead up for me to do the Nihonmachi Street fair poster for the next thirty years.

All right! I got a $5,000 artist grant from the Futures Fund through the Chinese Culture Center.

I was unaware that I got nominated by the Clarion Center. I got notified and had to submit a few examples of my artwork. A few weeks later I got a letter telling me I got the grant. There were a total of 28 of us grantees. No strings attached. Just a check for $5,000 for being a struggling artist in the community.

I don't know where this money came from. To me $5,000 is not a lot of money. It would be great if it was $5,000 a month for the rest of my life. The money is already spoken for. I'm planning to purchase an electric mobility scooter so I can get around. I need an adjustable bed to keep my leg elevated when I'm asleep. I need another rollator walker. Hey...I'm not bitching. I'm glad I got the grant. Every little bit helps.

They had a reception on May 4th at a new public housing community center by Sunnydale housing projects. They had me do a live dragon painting. It was a bbq with a program in the garden. I must say it was pretty cold *brrrrr* so was the food.

I took a Lyft to and back home. They are going to reimburse me for it.

I had a News Call Bulletin route in 1964 while I was twelve years old in sixth grade while a elementary school student at Commodore Stockton. The News Call Bulletin was an afternoon newspaper right after school at 3:10 pm.

The route number was X-18 and began on the corner of Stockton and Jackson Street in San Francisco Chinatown. It went down Jackson Street with about three places toward Grant Avenue. On Grant was the hotel on top of the Bank of America and the Jeung association on top of the five and dime store. Stopping at two places n Grant then continuing on to Jackson Street towards Kearny. Then going up Columbus Avenue towards Broadway St. Then back to Pacific Avenue ending at the 655 Ping Yuen.

The manager was Henry C. Everett. He was a crook and skimmed money from my monthly pay. He took an advantage of us kids who didn't know how to get a money order from a bank to send to the News Call Bulletin office after we collected the monthly $2 subscription from the subscribers.

I've been om the doghouse and I have to cook for myself.

Pork balls Rice soup Noodles version 2.0
From the Chinatown Ghetto Kitchen

Boil rice noodles to al dente. Rinse with cold water to stop the cooking. Drain in colander. Set aside.

Seasoned ground pork shoulder with a raw egg, a little corn starch, salt, garlic powder, chicken powder, and white pepper. Roll into balls.

In a wok, brown onion, garlic, add rolled pork balls. Cook to brown.

Add soy sauce, oyster sauce, water.

Boil for five minutes. Add package of ramen soup or chicken powder seasoning, Sugar, cornstarch slurry to thicken. Your choice of blanched greens.

Add boiling soup to cooked rice noodles. Top with chopped green onions. Chili oil. A couple of drops of sesame oil. A dab of fish sauce... (optional). Enjoy.

I tried employment a handful of times in my life.

Getting to work by 8am on time was such a struggle and I was often late. Especially before being diagnosed with sleep apnea.

Then putting up with supervisors and coworkers. I found that every workplace had its politics and culture which you had to fit in or be treated with scorn by supervisors and coworkers. I guess I have that personality where people like to fk with you... I'm too easy going. Or people feeling threatened by my knowledge and skills. They want to put me in my place.

There was the side of me that kept on taking on work besides holding a job which kept me up after putting in a 8-5 job. There was no relaxing after work. I was burning the candle at both ends and often got very little sleep. I often nodded off at work and the coworkers would snitch on me.

After getting let go or resigning it felt so good to be back in the driver's seat and in command of my own ship. But of course business and income was never consistent.

Now that I'm a senior citizen, retired, broke and only dependent on a measly monthly social security check, I look back on my life and thinking how I fkdup like this. Most of my friends have a pension check from putting in twenty five to thirty years into a job. On top of that they get a sizeable social security check because they paid into the system all those years while working. They are retired very comfortably. Me being mostly self employed there's no pension. I didn't pay into social security. I often wonder if I should have just gotten a job and forget trying to be self employed. Would it have worked? Would I be happy?

I understand why people go postal at the workplace. Having bad coworkers and supervisors that mess with your mind can really give you a feeling of entrapment. Putting up with it everyday makes you want to lash out. Adding stress to your life and causing sleepless nights. The job is what sustains you. Paying rent, paying bills, paying mortgage, paying for food on the table, paying for family, kid's education, the commute, etc. It can drive one nuts. I remember this supervisor that had a way of reprimanding me in front of all the co-workers to make me feel like an idiot. It made the coworkers look at me like I was crazy and ignore me.

Anyway the OL bugs the hell out of me to this day and in my age and condition about getting a job. How I never worked a day in my life. I am a lazy bastard. How I should have driven a bus....blah blah blah. It's no use talking about it. I can only regret the decisions I made in my life. I often find myself fantasizing about traveling back in time to correct some mistakes.

GET A JOB by the Silhouettes 1958

Yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip, bmm
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na

Ahh, yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip
Mum-mum-mum-mum-mum-mum, get a job
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na

Well every morning about this time (Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na)
She gets me out of bed, a-crying get a job (Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na)
After breakfast everyday she throws the want ads right my way
And never fails to say - get a job

Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na

Ahh, yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip
Mum-mum-mum-mum-mum-mum, get a job
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na

Lord, and when I get the paper I read it through and through
I, my girl never fail to see if there is any work for me...
I got to go back to the house, hear that woman's mouth
Preachin' and a cryin', tell me that I'm lyin' about a job
That I never could find

Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na

Ahh, yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip-yip
Mum-mum-mum-mum-mum-mum, get a job
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na

Lord, and when I get the paper I read it through and throu-ough
I, my girl never fail to see if there is any work for me...
I better go back to the house, hear that woman's mouth
Preachin' and a cryin', tell me that I'm lyin' about a job
That I never could find

Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na, sha-na-na-na-na, ahh-do
Sha-na-na-na...