This pandemic is driving me nuts!

Yes I'm going nuts! And it's hitting me at a time when I am a senior citizen.

There is paranoia. People don't want to come near you. There is rampant crime. I can become a victim.

My health is terrible. My arthritic hip has gotten worse and I can walk around easily. It's painful when I put my weight on my left leg.

Worry about money...I am broke! I can't come up with the money to pay the property tax. I can't come up with the money to pay the property insurance.

My doctor arranged for me to speak to a psychotherapist. There is so many people going nuts nowadays that Kaiser is using an outside source for psychotherapists.

I have had this Puma knife since the 1980's.

I try to always have at least a knife on me when I go out. This is my Puma knife. I've had it for a long time! My guess is sometimes in the eighties. I bought the knife at Columbus Cutlery. It was about $35 then. About forty years!

The pandemic has made our society worse. Crime has been rampant here in the city. Seems like police are overwhelmed. They are not enforcing the law like they used to. Covid 19 is blamed on the Chinese for causing this pandemic. People are taking it out on the Chinese and Asians by committing violence against Asians. I am Chinese.

Often it's bands of young black kids are targeting asian businesses and asian people. I can easily become a victim as I weakly limp about with my sticks.

So I make sure I at least have a knife on me when I go out. Wish I could carry a Glock. Never know when someone may attack me. I don't want to be a victim. What a fkdup time we are going through. I hate it! It's hitting me in my golden years.

625 Grant Avenue was the Kong Nam Low circa 1910 (right)

625 Grant Avenue (on the right) was once a chop suey joint shortly after the 1906 earthquake. Then it was a Japanese store for awhile till 1942 when Japanese Americans were forcefully interned in concentration camps. My father took over the store to establish Fueng Wah Company which ran till 1970.

I grew up in that store. We slept in a room right above the store. A mezzanine you can say.

1953 600th block of Grant Avenue

Gddamn imperial arts sign always blocked our sign.

I probably wasn't one year old yet in 1953. I spent probably my first two years of my life being cared for by a white family out in the sunset district.

My mother wasn't able to take care of me while minding the store and my brother who was a year and 3 months older than me.

The family that raised me were the Patterson's on Yorba Street out in the sunset district. I wonder how common was it for Chinese families to do that back then? My sister whom had five kids never did that. My mother throughout played favoritism to my brother over me throughout my life. I wonder if that was a result of me being an extra burden. Don't get me wrong... I loved my mother to her dying day.

I have not walked by the 625 Grant much since the pandemic but I went on Google and punched up 625 Grant to get a picture of it to find that 625 Grant as an address has been totally wiped off the face of the earth. I don't know what is at the location is now. But here's a current Google picture of 625 Grant and the block I grew up on.

1998 22nd Annual Nihonmachi Street Fair T-shirt design

I should've gotten a civil service job... I'd have a nice pension, money in the bank and a sizable social security check. My regrets.

Instead I chose to be an artist. Bitten by the entrepreneurial bug. I tried to make a living designing, doing illustrations, photography, photographing weddings and events, screen printing posters and tshirts.

I worked very hard at it amidst having kids, taking care of my aging mother, dealing with the wife, managing the family property. In the end I didn't have much money to show for it.

A lawsuit from my brother over family property cleaned me out. Now I'm begging for scraps. $500 after my Medicare insurance just isn't cutting it. Good thing my adult kids help out with the property tax and insurance. But that is just a loan.

I always had a strong feeling for education. After my world travels I should have gotten a masters degree in Asian studies. Specializing in Asian American art, the Chinese diaspora, Chinese American history, etc. Becoming an educator. I guess I was too much of a rebel and pessimistic about the whole system to conform to it.

Growing up in a family store was like growing up on a farm. You helped out as soon as you were able. I thought it was pretty cool to roll out of bed and go to work downstairs. Being your own boss.

In my world travels I was amazed by all the small family run businesses.

Seems like the whole system in this country is made to work for a big corporation or government where the emphasis is to work for for someone else, work in a job you hate, steady paycheck, for the benefits, health insurance and a retirement pension with only few years to enjoy yourself after retirement. They don't teach entrepreneurship in schools.

I haven't seen a dentist in a good five years since Ted Uemoto retired. I don't know who to go to. I am unclear of my insurance too. Being I am handicapped I would like a dentist that is easily accessible by public transport. My gums bleed every time I brush my teeth. I better see a dentist soon. Any recommendations?